Ulter Bakwaas : By Ravi

Prior to taking admission at B.Tech., I was languishing at my home. I had had two operations in as many years. None was life threatening but they percolated through my psyche. That free spirit was a thing of the past. I had already wasted one year after XIIth. For this year pre-engineering preparations, my focus was divided. I had altered my lifestyle, modified my eating habits. I did a lot of thinking to gather self-confidence, took decisions on my own. I had to desert my friends, because they were driving my decisions till then. In my efforts to become the best in all aspects, I suffered in competitive exams. My mother had started taunting me. She ideated a business proposition for me, which was a nightmare in my wildest dreams. Somehow, I got admission into an average college.

Taking this chance as the only option to redeem pride, I silently pledged to push myself despite any circumstances. I devised a disciplined study plan for myself. With a caring and competitive room partner like Varun, I had a convenient atmosphere for studies. In the initial days, seniors indulged in mild ragging. Having good relations with one of the seniors certainly helped. But guys in the adjacent rooms were boozers and chain-smokers. Living in the open lobby subjected us to inhale diffusing smoke from cigarettes. We witnessed some extra-ordinary drama by our flat mates in the influence of alcohol. I enjoyed it, though my roomie mustered courage ( rather foolishness ) to instigate the guys and offer doses of laughter induced by conversations.

I mingled with my flat mates well. They considered me as an easy going fellow. I used to avoid chaotic situations, often compromising with others. I had the ultimate goal in my mind and I considered confrontations as hindrances on my path. My lone efforts earned me admirers but no friends. Some of them approached when they required help to complete assignments. I offered them to guide, but they needed my work. I felt insecure as I had to involve in analysis, search and implementation of every task. They could now do it with copy & paste only. Initially refusing them outright, I backtracked to offer my help later. I had realized that I could prepare some sizeable support for coming years in graduation.

Her name was Mahek. I liked her, not because she was beautiful, but she was so different. She used to compete in Athletics Meet, talk loudly to guys. She had more boy friends than girl friends. She used to conquer the class, answering defiantly to the teachers’ questions. Even if she was wrong, the teacher used to feel complex, subsided by her authoritative voice.

I was trying hard to be recognized as a topper in my class, but my ingenuous nature swayed me from realizations of such desires. I stressed on improving my concepts and buildling up the knowledge, disseminating it to my friends with intentions on clarifying my own understandings. My friends were too happy to receive such a help. They would do anything to escape reading text books. Getting an idea initially on the topic would speedup the things. All students in the class knew that I could be consulted to clarify any technical doubts. But more than that, pupils were interested to know whether a person is measurably beneficial to them. I used to complete assignments before time and it was up for distribution among friends. A chain reaction would confirm that the work is finished by all and sundry. Citing the consequences of any wrong answers, it was imperative for me to adequately research for the correct answers. I did it gladly.

Somehow unable to transform my exceptional performance in the class to the mediocre results in the exams, I used to wonder everytime what went wrong. I had a habit of writing concise answers, which the evaluators treated with disdain. My friends used to laugh on me, I would laugh it off. I had an inherent confidence that my understanding of the subjects was better than the most of them. But, as the world demands figures to showcase the claim, I was unable to convince. I had an alternative in taking competitive exams like GATE ( Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering ), in which I scored good marks. They came to know and congratulated me. But the score was a mere spectatory stunt as it has no significance for my future. Being already offered a job, I was inclined to earn money. Only a chance to study in prestigious institution like an IIT or an IIM could have altered my decision.

Mahek was also offered a good IT job. Rarely she noticed me, never without a formal reason. On the whole, she wasn’t my friend. But her friend, Esha, became an admirer of our group. By our group, I mean - Ankush, Gurinder, Naveen and me. We were proactively working on our final year project. The task was innovative and intriguing. Our methodical approach and Ankush’s laptop had all anxious to know about our work. But, being the leader of the team, I asked them not to divulge any details prematurely.

My avid interest in electronics forced me to spend my leisure time in libraries. Self-study was required as the teachers were meting out the tonic like material to successfully pass the exams. They did a lot of retrospection and analysis to predict the question papers. It’s a good thing to do but not, if it’s the only thing to do. Majority including almost all toppers, used to like this deplorable ‘teaching’ method. Aware of the ‘unity’ in class, I did not express my mind. In the first year, I had witnessed the after effects of doing things my way. Majority of the students were on the verge of boycotting me. In time, I relented, thinking to make my stay easier.

I had an unusual surrounding around myself. I spoke very limited, often to boys. Some girls tried to befriend me, but I was more bothered about the lesson notes and lab practicals. I tried to focus on my studies unyieldingly, but could not help occasional deviations of mind. One day, after returning from the Lab practicals towards the staircase, I stared at Mahek. The look wasn’t furtive and it wasn’t eye contact either. I thought it might have given her wrong impressions about me. But, that chancy encounter instead made her believe that I was in love with her. Next day, due to non-availability of spare seats, I had to sit adjacent to her bench. Her close friend(he was a boy) observed my reactions and judgmentally told her, “Ravi loves you”. This sentence was loud enough for me to hear. I didn’t react, thinking it would be disadvantageous. I wasn’t convinced that my attraction for her was devoid of lust. She expected me to say something. But everytime we met, I talked about studies. At times, she came too close to me. I think she might have some feelings for me.

Her attitude invited frowns from many guys. I was also somewhat influenced by them. But deep inside, I knew that I like her. I transformed myself into a proactive participant in the class, to get her attention. But she, like some fellow toppers, started bunking the college to study at home. I tried not to fall in love and diversified my interests. My roomie, Nitin, was an IAS aspirant. He would study the ‘THE HINDU’ newspaper like textbooks and vice-versa. Still, he was adept at scoring good marks. He inspired me not to get complacent and prepare for my better future prospects. Although he coaxed me to shun the job and join coaching for the IAS, I did not have the courage to risk more years in the oblivion. Moreover, I never had that zealous feeling.

Note: All characters are fictitious. Any relation to any person living or dead is coincidence.